- By J. Covey
Monday: 3 mile jog, 1 minute slower than base pace.
Tuesday: 2 mile walk, 25-minute pace
Wednesday: 1 mile being pushed in wheelchair or adult stroller; slowly, don’t overdo it
Thursday: On La-Z-Boy recliner, pushing buttons on remote control
Friday: Combination sleep-loading/carbo-loading: Entire day in bed; alternating large pizzas and beer with double doses of Ambien
Saturday: To hospital in morning to be placed in an induced coma; limousine to hotel in downtown Chicago; continue on respirator til morning
Sunday: Servants dress you and carry you to starting line, propping you upright til the gun goes off