Monday, September 17, 2007

Race Day Advice (Humor)

Race Day Advice:
1. Eat a HUGE breakfast before your race so you will have plenty of fuel for the day!

2. Don’t drink too much the day before the race. It will only make you have to pee.

3. Wear a bikini or better yet, a Speedo even if it is 20 degrees outside.

4. Get to the race corral early! It’s good to be the first one in. That way you can be assured of being right up front. One hour before the corrals open is a good rule of thumb. Do a 1 or 2 mile all out sprint 20 minutes before the race begins. In this way your muscles will get used to the idea of rapid movement and you will be more likely to place high in the race.

5. To avoid getting too cold before the start. Do some jumping jacks and push ups. It really psyches out the competition to see a middle age man crank out 50 push ups right before the start! I usually get a couple of "Whoa...Take is Easy Big Guy!" comments when I am cranking out the j-jacks in a crowded corral!

6. Wear track spikes (The sound you make on the pavement….intimidating). -OR-

7. Buy a new pair of shoes for race day (forget the above comment)! Regardless of what you train in, visit the booth of the major footwear sponsor and buy THEIR shoe! After all, they spent a ton of money to sponsor this race. The least you can do is wear their shoes. If you place high enough you will be ensured a sponsorship. Here’s another (sub tip): save weight and shave seconds by not wearing socks.

8. Body glide is for wimps.

9. At mile 2, stop in the in the middle of the road and stretch. Stretching is important and staying in the middle makes it more difficult for others to get around you. Never forget it's a race. Everyone else is the enemy. They are bad people.

10. Sing the songs on your ipod out loud! This way others can find motivation from your music too.

11. If someone tries to pass you, try to float back and forth on the road to block his/her way (tip: don’t look too obvious). Imagine you are a squirrel in traffic! Act like you didn’t mean to.

12. If you can’t block them, subtly trip any runner that makes it around you. You're not going fast, so why should they?

13. No matter how your muscles feel, keep running fast. Pick it up early so you can bank some minutes. You’ll need em’ later when you begin to fade.

14. Shave time by racing through the water stops. This is an excellent opportunity to pass those you didn't trip as they slow down to drink.

15. Always run with the largest crowd. (forget the tripping stuff above) This way you will never be alone and you can talk with more people. People WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING even if they don't really seem friendly. Try just STOPPING UNEXPECTEDLY (hilarious).

16. Constantly change speeds to keep from getting too bored. Surging ahead (don't forget to zig-zag) every so often helps to keep people out of your way and keeps you alert and fresh. Try doing an all out 10-20 second burst (you can even do this with your eyes closed) every 5 minutes or so, then walk until you catch your breath.

17. When the going gets tough, just quit going -- no one will care. You have trained and worked hard for this day but so what. Marathons are not supposed to hurt they are supposed to be fun!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! Had me going...