Americas Last Employee Not Worried About Job

U.S. News and World Report, 52 minutes ago

Losing 99.99 percent of it's total value, the DOW industrials closed at an unprecedented 9 points today.  The US Department of Labor put the countries private sector unemployment rate at effectively 100%. Yet, through it all, one man, and one man only perseveres.   Though there were more than nine documented indiscretions —including tardiness, gross incompetence, and poor hygiene—in the self-produced employment file, the King Street, St. Louis McDonalds Restaurant employee, Ronald Johnson endures. Mr Johnson is known the world around as America's last employed citizen.  "I get more than a little creeped out from all the people staring at me man," the 29-year-old told reporters Monday. "Stop it already! You know I can't be givin you out free fries!" Although he's done plenty to warrant being fired and cares little about his job Johnson believes his unique skills are critical to his stores sales in these tough economic conditions. "I've got hopes and dreams bigger than this dump," Johnson continued. "I'm only doing this because there's no way I'll ever come close to achieving them dreams. Besides, with no manager around anymore, this job ain't so bad."

"I ain't worried, man," said Jonhnson, who commented when asked if his employer had perhaps forgotten he was on the payroll.  "Fuck that Shit Man!  I'm getting a full-hour lunch break and all the free soda I can carry. I got Responsibilities and a rep. You think this food just magically appears?" 

Will women someday be faster than men in the marathon?

Click on the headline for this story and read Amy Burfoots story on Women and long distance. When you think how long into the running boom we got before women were allowed into marathons, the latest scientific speculation about their endurance power becomes even more ironic: Women might have been better equipped all along than the men who were keeping up the barriers against them. At least that may be true as far as fuel is concerned, when you compare female endurance reserves to those of the stronger men who were protecting the "weaker sex" as too delicate for such a grueling distance.
More accurately, whatever advantage women do possess probably doesn't kick in until an event gets at least as long as the marathon – anything 26.2 miles or over, or its equivalent in another sport, that qualifies it as "ultra distance." And if our theories are correct, the longer the event, the greater the possible advantage. Tracy Sundlun is a former Olympic track coach who has trained over 30 Olympic Trials Marathon qualifiers, and in his view, "The differences as you probe farther into the ultra distances seem to indicate men and women are competing more on an even plane."